I have realized, I have no concept of time.
I have gathered it's a challenge for me to grasp that things can be broken down into bite-sized pieces, and not everything has to be all or nothing.
There are specs of seconds where I can see the forest for the trees- I see the picture instead of focusing on one pixel of shade.
Some things are more than black and white.
Sometimes I feel like I have to do everything, all at one time. And if I don't get it done- then it's not going to get done.. and if I don't do it, then no one else will.
and sometimes it is like that.
There is no one to do it for me.
and then there are sprinkles of energy that burst because they burn out. It's the part where it's hard to tell the difference between the glitter and the gravel. I run out of momentum.
the days where the sun is too loud and the weight of it seems too heavy. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep. and I wonder, what is the point.
..nobody cares, but me.
it feels like I simply can not get it all done, and the thought of not getting everything done, on time, can practically cripple me from getting anything done.
and as sure as I'm here, it has.
I've seen the other side of the coin, and I know what it's like to not get anything done. to no be able to-
to not have the will-
I heard Brent Smith say: Your will to survive will always outweigh your ability to die.
I'm still breathing.
I put an alarm on my phone to encourage me to be consistent in doing routine things, to help me stay on track- to be accountable. most days I see the alarm and I snooze it, I've been snoozing it.
yesterday, I even considered turning the alarm off, because all I was doing was snoozing it.
Today, I showed up.
Every single day, we are faced with something new.
A new diversity, a new challenge- a new victory.
And every single day- we grow.
80% of the success is showing up-
The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.
photographer Monique Madrid