Good morning, Today is January 4th.....today is my mother's birthday.
She would have been 55 years old.
Those of you that know nothing about the story would think that's young, yet still a fair amount of time, but the reality is, she died ONE WEEK before her 21st birthday.
Not even old enough to legally purchase an alcoholic drink at the bar- much less able to experience some of life's great lessons.
This morning I watched the Stanford speech given by the great Steve Jobs during their graduation commencement.
He stated, "you can't connect the dots by looking forward. You have to look back to understand how every situation affects your life".
That statement was like being hit by a brick wall for me.
The truth is, everything really does happen for a reason; even the most insignificant things will indeed have a place in your future. He tells of him taking a font class simply because he had to, and 10 years later, it established the first computer with different fonts. His taking that one simple class- that he didn't want to take- literally affected the world. I'm saying that because my life would be completely different if my mom were still alive. I don't believe some of the most essential things in my life would have ever happened. I wouldn't have had the honor of meeting the people that have had the most significant impact on my life, my friends. I honestly believe I wouldn't even have the same personality.
Not having her in my life has also affected me in ways a minimal amount of people can comprehend, much less understand. So it concerns me every single day of my life. Everything would be different- from my personality to my views on the world, organization, and parenting skills. Despite my upbringing, I had no idea how badly I needed a mother until I became one. I can't sit here and explain to you how much I miss "her" because, thankfully, I never got the privilege of knowing her to miss her. If I had established a more in-depth relationship with her, this would be so much harder. I don't remember her at all. Her role in my life, the void of not having a "mother," taunts me. It hurts. Some days are hard. Much harder than I ever post about.
Every single person on this earth has a story, and someone out there always has it worse than you, some have it wrong because of personal tragedy, others because of their own poor decisions.
For some of us, the only thing we have in common is the certainty of death. One day, any day, we are all going to die.
Some will die far too young and much sooner than others. Will your life only consist of working and paying bills?
I believe when you die- you will stand alone- in a grass patch greener than any field you can imagine.
Alone.
And you will watch your life flash before you. You will see every bit of impact you have made during your lifetime. You will know how you have hurt people, and you will see precious ways you have helped others that maybe you didn't realize.
You will see how your time was spent.
You will see what you have done. And all that you have done to be remembered.
Your legacy.
I hope you give yourself a great show to watch. I hope 34 years from now, people still talk about you- what a genuine treasure that would be.
Decades after you're gone- to still be sorely missed
I'm not one to make or even post new years resolutions, but my goal for this new year is to stop settling. Stop settling for mediocre relationships, mediocre jobs, and mediocre pay.
I'm going to wake up and ask myself if I didn't make it home today, would I be happy with the life I lived? If that answer is "no" too many days in a row, something needs to change.
Today, I'd like to encourage you to do the same. Find something YOU love to do....make your impact on the world because life is too short, and it is over instantly.
I put flowers on her grave yesterday so she would have flowers for her birthday. Over the last 34 years, I have lost 7 family members from the grief my mother's murder has caused them.
Make your life count.
Have a great day, God bless.
Happy Heavenly Birthday, Momma. #justiceformissy
