Do you know the actual definition of suicide? It's a permanent solution for a temporary problem. You extinguish your physical body but your spirit lives on. You're going to watch the world spin madly on; without you.
one year ago.
one. single. year- from today's date... I resigned from my job.
I had been working in that field for over ten years. A decade.
A year's time before I walked out the door- I was making more money than I had ever made in my career. I was managing more responsibility and holding a high level profession.
I thought about the amount of stress I could relieve by shooting myself in the head, at least once a day. Metaphorically, and.... honestly, there were days I considered what life would be like... without me in it.
Life was heavy. It does that, sometimes. Especially when you're holding on to things you're not meant to have.
My boyfriend at the time broke up with me.
I moved out on my own.
I didn't think I could go on, alone.
I didn't want to, anymore.
My personal life was crumbling. I was on a path leading me away from where I was supposed to go- I was off track. It felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.
And then I quit my job.
It compromised my moral. I didn't deserve that and I decided I wasn't taking anything I didn't deserve anymore.
Life was getting rid of all the extra weight that I wasn't meant to carry.
Shedding that weight was painful. It felt like a gaping hole. It felt like my heart was starving. It hurt.
It felt like everything was falling apart at the same time.. like I was melting. All of the things I thought I wanted were showing me they weren't meant for me; though that's not what I thought at the time.
At the time it felt like crashing into guardrails and throwing my body against an electric fence.
-it triggered me.
I couldn't grasp how everything looked amazing on the outside, but on the inside I was a volcano in danger of erupting with self-destruction. If you were to unzip my skin, I'd be a body of static electricity.
It became an overstimulation.
I didn't think anyone could understand. I didn't know how to talk to anyone about it-
so I concealed all the pressure inside.
I felt like a burden. I couldn't understand where the open flame was coming from.
I had a want that needed to be filled. That want soon became a need. I had to make a decision about that want regardless of the consequences.
I wanted to quit that course. I needed to.
But I was absolutely terrified to.
As if it were easier to consider the consequences of ending my own life than face the fear of changing.
I realize now how awful that sounds, it even makes me uncomfortable to write it. ... but the truth hurts.
And I'm here to tell you-
My problems did not get sorted out over a single night-
but my life could have ended because of a single problem.
I feared the unknown. I feared my ability to be successful.
I feared my own self worth.
I feared there was no life beyond this point.
-But there IS.
This is me one year later.
I MADE IT. I found a new career. I found new love.
And I AM HAPPY.
I am alive and I am happier than I ever imagined I was capable of being.
This is your sign. THERE IS LIFE BEYOND THIS POINT. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Suicide is not an option.
The day may be cloudy but the rain feels incredible. Go stand in it- let it wash you off.
You didn't come this far to only come THIS far. Think about everything you've already overcome. Keep going. Tomorrow is another day.
Remember to breathe and you will float.
In celebration of our #LOVEYOURSELFIE2020 Which will be held on February 9th, 2020 and hosted at Aveda Institute Clearwater we will be posting a FACE A DAY.
Every single day, we are faced with something new. A new diversity, a new challenge- a new victory.
And every single day- we grow.
80% of the success is showing up- The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.
Join us for the #LOVEYOURSELFIE2020 event you can register now at
if you would like to be involved or you would like to donate a gift of services or sponsorship, your help is greatly appreciated- please visit: http://www.changethefaceofdepression.com/donate — at Aveda Institute Tampa Bay.