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Updated: Apr 23, 2020

Here it is. Today. 32 years. 11,680 days. 280,320 hours.

A lifetime.

I just turned 33, last month, and she died the week before her 21st birthday.

My mother was twenty years old. I’ve lived a decade longer than she ever got to.

And I think about her every day. I think about her more than I ever talk about. More than I ever tell any body.

So I’ll cry. But not for long.

I’ll let it all out, but I won’t sit in it.

Because no matter how many days go by, where I feel like I’ve left something.

-like something is missing from my life.

I take comfort in knowing, this year- she’s with her momma. They’re together celebrating, for the first time in 32 years.

My Granny passed way this last April, without knowing who murdered her daughter, my mother.

I watched her wither away from the luster of life, and the desire to live. She was covered in salt from bitterness, and grief.

I refuse to. I saw what that does, and I don’t want that.

I am surrounded by love, and I’ll never give up hope. I hope that one day, my Mother’s murder will be solved. I hope to move on, and I want the peace and closure for my family.

I know my life would be completely different, if she were still here.

I’d be a different person.

So many people.. would be different people.

Losing her, was like a meteor punched the earth. It made a dent in perfection, and nothing was the way it used to be. No one was the way they were.

It was a crater. A void.

A black hole that everyone was forced to ignore, and then became accustomed to.

It's grown bigger and stronger and it’s taken happiness.

It’s vacuumed the will to survive.

I watched it take the life of the hierarchy. I’ve watched it shrink the gold from the sun. I’ve held the hands of the mother. Who’s paper-thin skin couldn’t hide her black veins. I saw her skeleton climbing an endless mountain, for answers she would never find. Three decades of her life, she dedicated to making it to the part where it made sense.

She died before she made it. And it never did.

It never has.

But I believe, in my heart, they’re together. And they’re together, watching over me.

I’ve got too many people on the other side to fail. I imagine they’ve never left me, even though they’re not here anymore.

You have to, right? Isn’t that what heaven is… and I believe one day, I’ll see them again.

Until then,

I’m going to give them a great show to watch.

if you know anything about the murder of Melissa "Missy Taylor " Ellison, please call Jacksonville Crime Stoppers. 1-866-845-TIPS (8477)

if you know something, say something.

you can remain anonymous

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